Process

The Four Basic Goals of IFS

1.Liberate parts from the roles they’ve been forced into, so they can be who they’re designed to be and return to highest expression of value.

2.Restore trust in the Self and Self-leadership.

3.Reharmonize the inner system.

4.Become more Self-led in your interactions with the world.

The goal of this updating (frozen parts stuck in time at the age of their trauma) process is for your parts to realize that they aren’t the Lone Rangers they thought they were in there. Instead, as they come to trust you—your Self—as the inner leader, they are greatly relieved and can become who they are designed to be. They may grow a bit older or younger or stay the same age, but universally they transform into valuable roles.

Someone once asked me, “Why drag up all this old stuff? It’s painful and I’d rather forget it.” The answer is simple: If you are remembering it right now, it is still there inside you, festering away, and maybe it’s been there a long time. It needs to be put on that paper where the light of your awareness can shine on it. If you see it and acknowledge it you can consciously let it go. Trying not to look at it will only keep it around longer. When you deny your grievances, they affect you profoundly, and the more you try to push them down, the more powerful they become.— psychology of money

that the act of observing is the first step toward enlightenment.

Yes And No. Clear Choice.

The answer to these questions is either “Yes” or “No.” Remember, a “Maybe,” “I think so,” “I’ll try,” or any other vague or qualifying answer counts as a “No.” Qualifications do not come from your heart. If they occur, it is a sign that you are not yet ready to forgive that person. But be aware that you may need to have room to say “No, I’m not willing to forgive this person” before you can have the space to give an authentic “Yes.” It’s the same with choosing anything in this process. Clear yes or clear no. Maybes are nothing - psychology of money

Whether you have answered “Yes” or “No” to any of the questions, the fact you have brought this person to sit in front of you says that you are willing for some healing to take place between the two of you … We sometimes need room to say no before we can say yes … As a matter of fact, whether you said “Yes” or “No,” your heart is open to them. There may be something you want to tell them from your heart right now … This person is here for you right now. So what I’d like you to do is open your heart and just tell them everything that’s there for you to say. Say it all as though you may never see them again. (Pause for fifteen seconds.) And now, because this person is sitting in front of you, there may be some things they want to tell you from their heart. Just be willing to hear what they have to say. Give them room to say it. Just listen. (Pause for fifteen seconds.)

Post Session

You may still have “No” answers for one or more of the above questions. If this is so, ask yourself when you would be willing to do this exercise again. A persistent “No” might indicate that some specific counseling on the matter is needed. Above all, this is a time for compassion for yourself. If you have answered “Yes,” what do you see? Is there an opening for a conversation with that person that was not present before? Do you notice a shift in your energy level? If so, what is it? Learning to forgive is an ability that, with practice, will become easier for you. At the same time, you’ll become more and more aware of people whom you have not yet forgiven. This awareness will stick with you until you act upon it and heal the relationship. Finally, you may discover after doing this exercise that it’s time for you to make contact with this person. Is there a letter you want to write to him or her? A phone call you want to make?