Kristian MichailScripture
For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles. (Romans 21:23)
At age 30, I prayed to God for the first time. Religion was something I resented and refuted the years prior. How can the most corrupt and vile institutions in the world tell me how to live? Those who dupe trillions from the global financial system, who worship money, sell their souls and enslave humanity? Those that conceal child sacrifice and rape children, whilst guilt-tripping their congregations on the laws of morality? Those who stone their most defenceless citizens to death, for not bowing down to tyrants and towing the party line?
The hypocrisy of it all sickened me. Christianity, Judaism and Islam. Buddhism and Hinduism didn’t even make the list, not for their lack of ambition either. Then there were the religions with no name: Scientism, Hollywood and Politics. The propaganda of nations disturbed me, the cults of secularism disgusted me. Religion was not my answer. However, the alternatives I sought instead brought me no peace. My twenties were all about spirituality, but little about God. I explored every fringe pathway I could find. I danced with all types of demons and drowned in all kinds of spirits: narcotics, psychedelics, liquors and loins. I was seeking God, without the awareness to admit it. I wanted the great transformation but had no clue where to look. I trusted many other men for answers to my questions, false idols from all walks of life, then raging after my discovery that I had been fooled. I was angry at the lies and deceit. Mentors had betrayed me. Man had failed me. No one could seem to help.
I was fucked up, and I knew it. I was in pain, seeking relief. Addiction, a heavy heart and a bitter tongue coloured my personality. And the older I became, the more obvious my dilemma was to those who loved me. I could no longer hide my anguish. I wanted to heal, but I had no idea how to do it. So, I chased the great escape instead. Sex, drugs and even Bitcoin. From orgies to crypto, and everything in between. Hoping the pain would end with every scream.