Phase 1: Activation
Mum’s toxic heavy victim like vendetta energy. Dads passive aggressive covert hyper intellectual mental masturbation. Their little drama duo.
Phase 2: Identification
Self-Identity:
Juvenile Fool
Manipulated Pawn
Trapped Middler
Others-Identity:
Broken Records
Control Freaks
NPCs
Hypocrites
Phase 3: Declaration
Feelings:
Dissapointed : disjointed, baggage, fractures
Powerless : change, control, harmony
Torn : own life, own family, comforts
Non-Feelings:
Inspired : behaviours, patterns, protocols
Free : attachments, judgments
Centred : stable, aligned
Results:
Irritation : others behaviours, actions
Tuning out : scrolling, exiting convos
Reduction: compromise, settling, lowering
Non-Results:
Creative exploration: ideas, possibilities
Group communicating: circle, voices, listening
Group interested: engagement, fascination
Actions:
Sedating : sugar, over eating
Suppressing : scrolling, compromising, diverting
Pretending: fake convos, surface level chats
Non-Actions:
Questions ; creativity, depth, curiosity
Facilitation : circle, communication, immersion
Listening: space, patience,
Being:
Sickened
Over it, Fed up
Non-Beings:
Patient
Tolerant
Accepting
Phase 4: Creation
New Possibility:
Teflon
Clean
New Identity:
Devoted Uncle
Phase 5: Simulation
Past:
Paris
Future:
Emergency Number - Barmitzvah
This Year:
Babysitting Nights
Mum and Dad,
Last night was a build up irritation and exhaustion over the year after year brother and wife saga drama that I have no interest in taking to my grave. Being overseas for a year gave me a reprieve of that, and it’s been sad to return home to this continuing on. And im not blaming anyone for this ongoing drama. My outburst came out in an unexpected way, but it came out the way it needed to. The true feelings can’t be suppressed forever, The nausea and sickness I felt leaving the hospital and reactionary outburst lead me to deep prayer, realisation and gratitude of where I need to go and move to.
Im moved to be a devoted uncle with a clear and firm boundary to keep that relationship pure of any past baggage and grievances which are not mine to carry. Just like my uncle paris was for me, loyal for dad and never once said a bad word about mum. Warm, gentle, safe. Totally loyal and someone I felt safer to speak with than anyone in the world growing up. Nonna, Yaya, papou and Nonno also never had lingering energy of being irritated and unhappy as grandparents or in-laws. I wish the same for you.
I wish to be the same eswencr of uncle for Leo as paris was for me. I wish to listen him sovereign and an individual soul that deserves the ultimate space and listening free of inherited toxins. I no longer wish to be privy to or be part of any dialogues relating to JP or Bec, how they raise their family or how they live their lives or the Ivanyi’s as the adversary. I’m sick of the drama loop and im Not blaming anyone when I say that. It’s not a Karma or cross I wish to carry and I opt out of the complaints, criticisms and draining conversation. I’m not taking this weight and nausea to my grave. Leo needs me like I needed Paris.
I won’t comment on how you need to parent or grandparent. That’s your journey and for you to pray on. I have great faith you will find peace, joy and acceptance here soon. I pray that you both do. I’ll do my best to stay out of your way as I’m sure my time when I will have to face the stresses you guys go through as parents and heads of household.
Love you both enormously. and we’ll take the weekend fot some
Space.
You’ll be amazing grandparents just like your parents were with myself and JP. Pray to them for guidance and strength so they can guide you how to start this new chapter and leave any heaviness behind you. They wouldn’t won’t you carrying any sickness to the grave, that I’m sure of.